14 Journals later...

Four days ago, I began writing in my 14th journal. 14?! I know. I can hardly believe it myself!


Journaling is something I have always enjoyed. My friends didn't understand how I could write in my journal every single day and not get tired of it. But I didn't. I always found something to write about - whether it be what I did that day, who I saw, what I was learning, or what new goals I made.


However, it wasn't until I heard Heather - a singer from one of my favorite Christian bands, Point of Grace - talk about how much she enjoyed writing in her prayer journal that I began to change the focus of my entries. She had inspired me and I was beyond excited! I was fifteen when I began my very own prayer journal. My writings were turned into prayers with an emphasis on praising God, thanking Him, asking Him to continue working in my life, and praying for others (that was a big part of it). Little did I know that I would be on my 14th so quickly.


This evening (or early morning now) I was sorting some of my boxes in the basement and came across these journals. As I read various entries and flipped to certain dates, I realized how much I have grown. It was kind of sobering to be honest. So much has happened - both good and bad, but one thing that stayed consistent in my writings was my love for the Lord and my desire to keep serving Him wholeheartedly.


If there's one way to become less selfish and to quit feeling sorry for yourself in your own little world with your little problems, it's praying for others. This is a great way to grow! In most (if not all) of my entries I prayed for many by name asking God to help them in their struggles. Now, as I look back at those names, I find that some of those people are still in my life. I praise God for all He taught me and for blessing me with the experience of knowing them and sharing life with them. While others have left my life, I know that some friendships are just for a season. (I'm still learning that...)


What I find incredible when I reviewed my writings is how my many requests/concerns/fears/worries/doubts/uncertainties I wrote about and how they were all erased. God provided for each of those needs and blessed me beyond what I deserve!


14 journals later and I'm still writing. I recognize that there will always be good and bad in this life. But I also realize that God has never left my side, nor will He. I must keep perspective and never take my eyes off Jesus.


I thank the Lord for continually meeting my needs and giving me grace for the moment. And I will keep writing in my journals to later look back and remind myself of His provision, His promises and His plan.


God is good.

One of 'those' days.

Do you ever have those days where you feel like your brain cannot handle any more? Or your heart is so full it will literally explode if someone tells you one more bit of sad news? Or your body is so tired from giving and helping others that if you were to lift your arm higher than your shoulder it might come detached?
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Today was a combination of the above and then some. I do however appreciate the growth that comes because of those days. 
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15 REALIZATIONS IN THE LAST FIFTEEN HOURS:

1. Letting someone go might be the most loving and most painful thing we can do. I'm not sure I'm ready, but I feel the strength growing inside of me each day. I think sometimes they don't even realize or fully understand that you have to let them go or else you may end up never really living or loving again.  
2. My brothers are hilarious. They make me laugh and overwhelm me with witty comments. They also help me keep perspective and remind me of what's important. Okay, I didn't learn this today, but was reminded of how much I need them in my life and how blessed I am to call them my brothers. 
3. I'm lonely and need more people in my life. And I'm going to do something about it. End of story. 
4. Don't tell people you are single unless you want to be hooked up with everyone and their best friend's neighbor. Just sayin'.
5. I never want to have jaw surgery. Ever. 
6. Homemade pumpkin spread is best on Nilla Wafers, not crackers. That's gross. But when you're desperate...
7. Rain/Thunder/Snow storm washes your car and makes it look brand new. 
8. "Empty My Hands" by Tenth Avenue North is one of my favorite songs right now. Newest cd "When Light Meets The Dark" - phenomenal.
9.  I went for a run this evening. Running in the rain is the best (just not in 42 degree weather). It was freezing and I thought my lungs would burst. I had to go though. I had to leave and get out and move. I needed to clear my mind. To switch my focus for a moment. I felt better afterwards. And I threatened if anyone attempted to stop me, bodily harm would soon be theirs. 
10. God continues to remind me of His power and His plan. Whether I clearly see it today, I'm learning that I only need to understand that He is in control and I can trust Him with everything. 
11. Sometimes there are other people who feel exactly the same way you do. And you know what? That's encouraging to hear. Especially today.
12. I'm going to invent a pocket-sized pause button for moments when your brain is on overload. Or your heart. Or body. Or pretty much, for when everything is too much. 
13. God moments can come at any time, in any shape. It's times like these I can't imagine my life without Jesus Christ.  
14. I like to make people laugh. Sometimes this back fires though because I say things that are ridiculously dumb and actually not funny at all. However, the people laugh at me when this happens and then I still end up making them laugh. I love it. 
15. It's time for bed. 

Family is...

One thing I looked forward to in college was coming home for a weekend and spending time with my family. I counted down the days in my planner with great anticipation and couldn't wait to pull into the driveway and be HOME. When I returned to college to finish off another week, I realized something. Not many college students shared my positive feelings when they talked about home. Some students only spoke of their hatred for home or how they wished their family would leave them alone. Others hardly ever went home, finding every excuse to be busy or justify avoidance, except for forced holiday breaks. Some described the constant fighting that took place in their family or proclaimed their disgust for their sibling or parent or both.
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I was shocked to be honest. I didn't know how to relate. I knew that not all families loved each other like mine, but I didn't realize the depth of those harsh feelings. I cannot imagine this tragedy, but to many, this is the norm. It made for some interesting conversations, mostly me listening to others share about their home life.
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And now at 23, being single and working nights as a nurse, family means even more to me. Whether it be my parents and siblings, my four roommates, the cashier at Meijer's on Tuesday nights, all of the adopted grandparents at my home church, or my new family at work. They are all I have.
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Yesterday afternoon my family and I had lunch with some out of town relatives. We enjoyed a nice meal, updated each other on the happenings of life, and laughed...a lot. My heart was overjoyed by these interactions and I could not stop smiling. 
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I have three other siblings (4 if I count my sister's fiance!). We are close and get along so well. We enjoyed a competitive game of Boggle and watched the new movie "Tangled." Having family is one blessing. Being close to them and sharing life together is on a whole other level. I cannot thank God enough for placing each one of them in my life. They teach me how to love. They fill my heart with joy. They remind me that there is more to life than the every day routine. 
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Our time together was priceless. 
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At the same time, I have been overwhelmed with news of families struggling financially, losing loved ones, combating health related issues, divorce, betrayal, angry words, and the like. My heart breaks as I read their stories and it makes me appreciate family time that much more. 
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This world is broken. Bad things happen. There is always going to be "something" going on. How do you survive? How do you find hope again? What do you do if you come from a broken family? Or lost your family? Or maybe they have expressed how they have no desire to be a part of your life.
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I'm no expert and as I said earlier, I don't know what that's like. I can only imagine. But I do know that having a 'family' is one of the most rewarding experiences on earth. Whether that's a group you meet with for coffee on Tuesdays, a friend in the hospital you visit twice a week, or Halo Thursday night, I think they are essential. 
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We only get one life. One time to grab our family and tell them that we love them. One chance to be family to someone who has no one else. 
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And I don't know about you, but I don't want to waste this opportunity. I made the decision to sponsor a 7-year-old girl from Haiti. I am partnering with World Vision to make a difference and my heart could not be more full of joy. 
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Her name is Taylove and she is my newest Lil Sis. She is my family.

Where blue hearts are made red.

"Blue days" or what I like to call 'when my heart feels so blue and depressed, I wish I could escape the brokenness of this world and relax on a far away island forever' kind of days. They come and go. However, they seem to be coming more frequently with age. Maybe that's one reason I see more blue hearts than red. 

Blue hearts are lifeless. They reside in sad bodies of those who have succumb to their feelings and determined nothing can be done to change the way they feel. I beg to differ with them though. Blue hearts CAN and MUST be changed - changed into giant, oxygen filled, life-giving red ones! This is done by telling ourselves the truth and keeping perspective (something that also seems to be lost with age). Life gets busier and is easily filled with more of the unnecessary. 

I hope my writings can shed some light on life. May my words challenge you to think differently. To live differently. And to love differently...with a red heart.